Beginning on May 1st I will be starting a 45 day stretch of not having a day off. I will be working 5 days out of the week and volunteering the other 2. It’s not going to be easy and it probably will not be too pleasant either. But the thing is, I’m not dreading it. I’m not looking forward to it of course, but I’m not scared. I’m not asking for sympathy and I’m ready to take on the challenge. Because at the end of this stretch I will be returning to visit California where undoubtedly I feel the most comfortable. I will be seeing many of my friends, both from high school and college, and what more could I look forward to? I know that at the end of these 45 days I will be rewarded with awesomeness.
The end of this 45 days will also mark the culmination of my first full year in Boston. I’ve learned a great deal and experienced things I never predicted I would. I got my first step into the world of aquariums. It wasn’t exactly what I had planned on when I left California, but things fell into place. I love it too. I really do. The 13 seals (and sea lions) and 10 members of the NEAQ Marine Mammal crew I met have really changed my life. I learn from them every week, if not every day and hope to stay connected with them for years to come.
In this span I also experienced the “real world” and working to support myself. At times I worked 12 hours a day for 6 straight days, had a day of volunteering, then repeated 6 more days of work. That was definitely a rough patch and I got a glimpse of what it’s like to be consumed by work. It increased my respect to those who work two jobs to support their family or to save up money for something they really want. I experienced first hand the ugly and evil nature of people. Things that I never really had to deal with in college. Things that people deal with on a daily basis in the “real world”. I had to toughen up and figure out ways to deal with these terribly selfish people. However, I was also showered and enveloped by the kindness and beauty of humans. I met a plethora of unique characters whom inspired me and supported me. I got to know a number of individuals that I never would have even talked to in previous settings. I know that I haven’t been great at hanging out, but I promise I will try to grab a drink with everyone before I leave Boston (whenever that may be).
Over the past 10 months I have really gotten a chance to understand who I was, who I am, and who I am becoming. And the one thing that I can say with confidence about myself? I’m still growing. Not literally, although another growth spurt would be just fine with me. I’m still growing in person, in character. Growing and shaping my opinions. Forming my career and life goals. Grasping at what love means to me. Molding my future, one day at a time. The journey is just beginning for me, I know it.
I know that I can get through this 45 day grind and come out smiling. I know that I will love that moment when I get on the plane to head to SFO. I know that at the end of this, I will most likely be transitioning to a new adventure. Whatever and wherever this next adventure may lead me to, I will be ready. I’m excited for all of this and I wanted to share it with you all through this post. Mainly since I don’t get a chance to talk to you in person to tell you all of this over a drink. Partly due to my narcissistic nature and my desire to write long posts about myself. And definitely because if you’re reading this I want you to be ready. Ready for some bomb ass, fantastic, legendary moments when I’m back! Or, you know, to grab a drink and hang out. That would be just as amazing :).
This is kind of a rant. I just need to let it out.
I’m tired of people. Not anyone in specific. My friends are great. So no, this doesn’t include you if you’re reading this.
I’m sick of people who are entitled. People who are rude. People who can’t say thank you. People who lack consideration. People who think they’re always right. People who are crazy. People who prioritize themselves over anything else. People who lack knowledge, but believe they know. People who hurt others. People who don’t live by the same rules they apply onto others. People who don’t care. People who are ignorant. People who control others. People who don’t know how to smile. People who don’t listen. People who don’t respect. I’m sick and tired of people.
It’s definitely got a lot to do with the job I have. I’m too sensitive for my own good, I know that. I think I’ve worked hard to become better at dealing with it. Being okay with having people dislike me. I know there are plenty of people out there who deal with more shit and see more depressing things in their lives than I do.
But at the end of the day I can’t find a way to deal with these people. Sure, I’d like to believe that the good outnumber the bad. And no one is perfect of course. It’s just… I’d like to believe that it’s worth smiling at every customer that walks in the store. At every person who watches the seals as they are fed and trained. Because I try my best to do so. At the very least to smile and say thanks. To customers, to strangers, to passersby, to him, to her, to you.
I’m just starting to lose faith that I can. That I can keep myself thinking that it’s worth doing that for everyone. But the moment I stop is the moment I become one of them. So. I will continue. To do my best to smile. So that there’s at least one less of them that I have to deal with.
I guess it was a good thing that I wrote this out. I feel like I motivated myself somehow.