Can’t sleep.
So instead I’ll post something on here.
I’m a little lost right now. In the next two months I have to get my shit together and do something. I’m ready for whatever that something may be. The problem is that I have no clue what that something is.
I actually think I’m almost ready to settle down and start a “real job”. Almost.
Let’s leave aside the fact that it isn’t exactly easy to find a “real job” right now.
I want to travel. Because I can. I have the funds. The time. The freedom. The opportunity. I know that. But as my parents made me realize, I don’t really have a purpose or a goal to it. I’ve seen enough of the world to at least acknowledge that there are many different people out there. I obviously don’t know how everyone thinks or their ways of doing things. I know there’s still a lot to learn. At the same time, though, there’s a limit to understanding it all isn’t there? And that’s just not my goal. I don’t want to spend forever traveling the world trying to achieve this.
Honestly, I’m not afraid of doing things at this point. I’m just afraid I’m doing it for the wrong reasons. Doing it because it looks cool. Because other people will envy me. Because someone else said it’s a great idea.
I do know that I’m not looking for a “real job” at this point. Let’s reword that. I’m not ready to land a job that is in the career field I want to pursue and where I will presumably be at for 1~3 years. I don’t know why I don’t want to do this just yet, but I don’t. As I mentioned earlier, I’m almost ready for it.
I also don’t want to waste a year of my life achieving nothing. Yes, traveling will achieve things that I won’t find elsewhere. I know the value of traveling and adventuring. But at this point… I don’t think that is enough of a reason. One might argue and say that seeing other countries and cultures and meeting new people is always enough of a reason. But I honestly don’t think I’ll appreciate it to the fullest without a theme to it all. I need to clarify what the all encompassing idea to all of this is. I know it’s there. I just need to find it. It’s a lot harder than just finding Waldo. It’s a puzzle that I have to put together, then also try to guess what the picture is that I just completed.
It’s the journey that matters and I can’t be looking back at my path all the time. Looking forward, paving my path. That’s all I can do, right? It’s just so darn hard for me right now.
Days of nothing. Help me find a way.
Posting without re-reading. Probably a bad idea.
